I call that piece of art above “2 Points”.
Oooohhh doggy, what a week. We had some great performances, some surprisingly great performances, some awful ones, some injuries… Actually, it was just another week of baseball in 2017.
First place is now occupied by three teams: The Humongous Melonheads, the Colorado Crush, and Jeter’s Wedding Rings. Furthermore, The Crush and the Wedding Rings are in the same division (Everyday I’m Russellin, of course) (it should be “every day”), making things hot and sweaty. Three other teams have 7-5 records, four more teams lie at 4-8, and the last two oddballs reckon with 6-6 and 5-7. Things are still very tight, it’s safe to say.
#1 – Web Gems (7-5) @ Squirtle Sluggas (6-6)
Winner: Squirtle Sluggas (375 to 265)
WG Top Scorer: Jon Lester (36)
SS Top Scorer: R.A. Dickey (50)
Who had money on R.A. Dickey being a Top Scorer in 2017? You? You? Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you were raising your hand.
The Sluggas were a juggernaut in Week 12. Hitting, pitching, McCutchen, the 7-Day DL… they had it all. The Web Gems couldn’t keep up after a 106-Pt Tuesday from the Sluggas, who received 60 of those points from their hitters alone.
- Jon Lester (36 = 17 + 19) & Yu Darvish (31) – Those first two picks did not disappoint this week. Lester made short work of two favorable matchups, while Darvish engaged in a Japanese pitchers’ duel with Tanaka, emerging after 7 scoreless innings with no walks, just 2 hits, and 10 Ks.
- Logan Morrison (23) – A double-digit night for the second straight week. Morrison is crushing it at 2.8 PPG.
- Jason Vargas (16) – It wasn’t the flashiest outing of the week (the 2 Ks are what kept this from being stellar), but Vargas held the Jays to 2 runs over 7 innings and walked no one, receiving his 6th straight W as a prize.
- Joe Musgrove (-21) – The latest casualty in the Triple-A purge, Musgrove and his post-DL 10.29 ERA waved goodbye to the Gems for the time being.
- Marco Estrada (2 = [-8] + 10) – He ended the week on a high(er) note, going 7 against the Royals, but he walked 4 in each of his two starts. His early season highlight reel is becoming a farther and farther object in the rearview.
- Cody Allen (-5) – Someone does not like the way his team has been running the bullpen.
- Andrew McCutchen (30) – It was a front-loaded week for the revitalized trade piece, although he kept up the steady points production in one way or another.
- Manny Machado (26) – The Sluggas Cold Case Files received another break, with Machado putting up his biggest week in a while. His 4/4 Tuesday with 2 home runs is the Manny we’ve been missing all season.
- R.A. Dickey (50 = 27 + 23) – The Giants and Brewers were utterly unprepared for the knuckleball, with Milwaukee able to score a lone run between the two of them. Dickey’s performance brought his ownership up to a whopping 5.7%.
- Chris Devenski (28) – Devo is whippin’ it yet again.
- Matt Garza (6 = [-1] + 7) – Garza faltered against Pittsburgh and Atlanta, two of the easier matchups one can get. Zach Davies agrees about the Atlanta part.
- Francisco Liriano (6 = [-7] + 13) – Never trust a man who has 6 points in the scoring breakdown. There’s more than meets the eye. On an unrelated note, this article is sponsored by Transformers: The Last Knight, now playing in theaters everywhere.
#2 – It’s Not a Bird It’s a Sale! (4-8) @ Jeter’s Wedding Rings (8-4)
Winner: Jeter’s Wedding Rings (371 to 203)
IBIS Top Scorer: Chris Sale (29)
JWR Top Scorer: Clayton Kershaw (39)
The Wedding Rings could have sat every single pitcher and still won the week. Their hitters were unstoppable, stating in a joint press release that they don’t even miss Corey Seager.
IBIS didn’t have it this week, with early favorites like Nova and Senzatela dropping the ball in the face of danger.
- Trea Turner (22) – He’s barely striking out, he has big days, he’s eligible at multiple positions, and he’s capable of producing even without getting a hit.
- Edwin Encarnacion (21) & Scott Schebler (21)
- Chris Sale (29) – What more can you say about Sale at this point?
- Kelvin Herrera (20) – KC doing well again has brought Herrera back into the spotlight. Oh, his good pitching has done that as well.
- Antonio Senzatela (-15) – The Diamondbacks gave the Rockies the business in Week 12.
- Stephen Strasburg (-2) – He hasn’t been as smooth since his decimation of San Diego at the end of May, fumbling some softer matchups with the Braves, Mets, and now Cincinnati.
- Ivan Nova (-1) – The thing about those Brewers is that yes, they strike out a lot, but they also can get the hits rolling like few other teams.
- Salvador Perez (3) – We’re going to be on IBIS’s case every week they miss out on a big day from Sal (this time, it was Wednesday’s 12).
- Paul Goldschmidt (33)
- Josh Harrison (30)
- Anthony Rendon (26) – This man rarely wastes a day in which he starts.
- Aaron Nola (27) – Both sides of the Seager trade were rewarded this week.
- Alex Meyer (-11)
- Hector Neris (3) & Dellin Betances (4) – Neris blows an opportunity 50% of the time, while Betances has taken a hit in value since Chapman’s return and been shuffled back into the deck of bent cards that is the Yankees bullpen.
#3 – Colorado Crush (8-4) @ Team McLovin’ (7-5)
Winner: Colorado Crush (339 to 286)
CC Top Scorer: Justin Turner (38)
MCL Top Scorer: Corey Kluber (71)
Yes, 71. One pitcher prevented McLovin’ from having one of the week’s lower scores, joining the several first-rounders showing their worth in Week 12. Unfortunately for MCL, their hitters took away in strikeouts more than 50% of what they provided.
The Crush made some phenomenal calls in their pitching matchups, avoiding a (-26) Jesse Hahn outing and a (-8) Moore, but they also missed out on Moore’s earlier 18 and a 22-Pt act of Rambo-style survival by Zack Godley in Coors.
- Justin Turner (38) – He’s telling everyone he’s dealing with “heavy legs”, which we’ll all soon realize is just some weird slang for an insatiable appetite for destruction.
- Corey Seager (31) didn’t play the last two days to a hamstring issue. He deserved the rest after taking 3 round trips of his own doing on Tuesday against the Mets.
- Daniel Murphy (26) continues to be the stud he was in 2016.
- Jacob deGrom (29) has pitched at elite level his last three starts. He had a much easier matchup this time around, but his efficiency and strikeouts are nothing to take lightly.
- Alex Wood (23) is a freak. He brought his record to 8-0 with 6 innings of 1-run ball (and 7 Ks) vs. Colorado that resulted in less points than the start he had at Coors.
- Josh Tomlin ([-1] = 1 + [-2])
- Hyun-Jin Ryu (6) – Since reentering the rotation, Ryu hasn’t been the most effective pitcher, accumulating a 5.14 ERA.
- Matt Wieters (2)
- Corey Kluber (71 = 40 + 31 = 24 Ks = No Earned Runs = 1 CG + 1 7-inning start = AL Player of the Week = I’m hiding under my bed)
- AJ Ramos (31)
- Jose Ramirez (29) – The bright spot in the MCL hitters.
- J.A. Happ (21) has shaken off the rust, losing out on his third consecutive win because of the Toronto bullpen.
- Eric Thames (-7) – Lowest matchup score for a hitter in 2017? He struck out 12 times on MCL’s starting roster.
- Alex Colome (-9) – To balance out Ramos, of course.
- Luis Severino (-1) tore through Baltimore (twice) and Toronto, yet gave up 9 combined runs to the Athletics and the Angels in his last two starts.
#4 – Brooklyn Brawlers (7-5) @ 18 Wheeler with Large CarGo (5-7)
Winner: Brooklyn Brawlers (305 to 182)
BRA Top Scorer: Jose Quintana (29)
18 Top Scorer: Brandon Kintzler (24)
It was closer than expected, given last week’s 18 debacle. No one on either team put up insane numbers for the Top Scorer honor, so the managers relied on contributions from all souls involved. While this worked out in the hitting category for both BRA and 18, 18’s pitchers hit what is quite possibly a new low for their category in NYFBL, dumping a final total of 30 on 18’s doorstep.
- Jose Quintana (29) could potentially be over the hump, but he’ll need a few more outings like Thursday’s to prove it to everyone.
- Adrian Beltre (28) was the top-scoring hitter for the Brawlers, showing that injuries and age haven’t consumed him in the slightest.
- JC Ramirez (21) wasn’t exactly treading into a favorable matchup, especially considering his recent stats, but he limited the Red Sox to only one run and got his seventh win out of it.
- Mike Zunino (21) – More so a name the Brawlers like to yell out loud than anything else, Mike Zunino continues to be Born Again since his return from Triple-A. The catcher rewarded the faith of the Brawlers in his first day back on the team with 2 home runs.
- Trevor Story (-4) – He gave Thames a run for his money.
- Jeff Hoffman (-19) – This is one man who hasn’t tamed Coors just yet.
- Trevor Bauer (3) – 5.53 ERA, let’s go.
- Matt Adams (24) – Rotowire says Adams is “arguably the hottest hitter in the majors right now.” He was a tie for 18’s Top Scorer.
- Brandon Kintzler (24)
- Dan Straily (20) dueled Max Scherzer like it was Kaiba vs. Yugi. He didn’t get a decision, but Scherzer got the L and subsequently fractured into a million pieces behind his Blue-Eyes White Dragon.
- Ty Blach (-22) – 18’s beloved Mets won, but at what cost?
- Julio Teheran ([-5] = 10 + [-15]) – Nestled at 5.30, 18’s 4th-round pick has almost the same ERA as Trevor Bauer.
- Jaime Garcia (-7) – Even the Giants have to win sometimes.
- Michael Wacha (0)
#5 – Humongous Melonheads (8-4) @ MLB MVP’s (4-8)
Winner: Humongous Melonheads (268 to 266)
HM Top Scorer: Cody Bellinger (45)
MVP Top Scorer: Ian Kinsler (34)
Fantasy has been more tilting than an Overwatch session full of Bastions for the MLB MVP’s, as they were involved in yet another heart-stopper this week. They were inches away from victory due to a slew of wild pitches and GIDPs and who knows what else from the Melonheads on Sunday, but fate wasn’t on their side. The MVP’s were left sitting their recent pickups (Shields and Bailey, who were shelled, so smart benches nonetheless) as they watched Zach Davies shine (because of course) in his 0-K glory on the waiver wire and Cody Bellinger rake for the Melonheads.
- Cody Bellinger (45) – Two multi-homer games against the Mets and Rockies, and neither was at Citi or Coors. In a quieter week for other Melonheads hitters, Cody climbed to the mountaintop and roared. The NL Player of the Week.
- People who have Cody Bellinger in their lineups, am I right?
- Joe Ross (22) had a quality bounce-back effort against the Reds, going 7 innings with 5 Ks.
- Matt Bush (-11) – Two consecutive BS+Ls, this man was the antithesis to Cody.
- Michael Pineda (5 = 14 + [-9]) – Not a stellar week for the Yankee, who’d been putting together a solid season.
- Brandon McCarthy (15 = 21 + [-6]) – Adam Ottavino of the Rockies made sure that McCarthy didn’t feel as bad about all of his wild pitches.
- Ian Kinsler (34) seemed to get Beltre’s message, outplaying most of the youngsters and even stealing 3 bases.
- Brad Peacock got 20 points in 5.2 innings and had a baby, but his wife’s labor cost the MVP’s a much-needed second start.
- Max Scherzer (27)
- Rick Porcello (17) still gave out hits like it was Free Turkey Day, but he struck out 8 Angels and pitched a quality start.
- Zach Davies (-11) gave the MVP’s two fond farewells, first with his 7-run spanking from the Pirates, and second with his 7 scoreless innings in Atlanta on the waiver wire.
- Justin Wilson (1) – Justin appears once every 5 days, and because of this may get you the loss when he shows his face.
- Lance Lynn (-8) turned in his second atrocious start in a row, giving up 7 runs yet again, but this time to the lowly Pirates rather than the Orioles.
#6 – Seventh Street Screwballs (4-8) @ The Underrated Umpires (4-8)
Winner: The Underrated Umpires (266 to 217)
SSS Top Scorer: Masahiro Tanaka (30)
UU Top Scorer: Gerrit Cole (43)
Pitching was once again the deciding factor in an NYFBL matchup. The Screwballs surely missed the presence of Keuchel as two of their higher-end starters self-destructed, leaving SSS helpless against the Umpires’ newer acquisitions.
- Masahiro Tanaka (30) – He’s the high-stakes gamble in the big casino every start, but this week he had everything working for him.
- Alex Bregman (25)
- Carlos Correa (24)
- Marcus Stroman (-10) – Tanaka did what Stroman couldn’t against the Rangers.
- Tanner Roark (-12) – Following up a (-10) outing, Roark followed up this (-12) outing with a (-2) outing. Are you following?
- Jesse Chavez (-4)
- Gerrit Cole (43 = 24 + 19) – The year’s best Buy-Low?
- Jose Urena (18) & Mike Fiers (18)
- Cameron Maybin (26) is still on a roll, having some big games in the absence of Mike Trout.
- Lance McCullers Jr. (20) came off the DL as strong as ever for his Umpires start.
- Evan Gattis (19)
- Derek Holland (-16) & Sonny Gray (-6) were sat after their weak displays earlier in the week. The result? A combined 44 Pts chilling on the bench.
- Tyler Chatwood (-10) – EIGHT WALKS.
- Tim Adelman (1)
- Brandon Crawford (-2) – His beautiful sister was channeling her energy toward husband Gerrit Cole instead.
See you in Unlucky Week 13, the exciting followup to Unlucky Weeks 1-12.
Ain’t no such things as halfway crooks,