Highs and Lows: Week 11

Howdy NYFBL,

Another exciting week is in the past. We had the entire spectrum of emotions in Week 11, from anger to elation to straight giggles, and you didn’t need to watch a single actual game to experience it. NYFBL was the most entertaining it’s ever been, with nail-biters galore. The most unpredictable one, however, lies below.

Just kidding.

#1 – 18 Wheeler with Large CarGo (5-6) @ Colorado Crush (7-4)

Winner: Colorado Crush (371 to 146)

18 Top Scorer: Jimmy Nelson (33)

CC Top Scorer: Jacob deGrom (57)

The joy it gives me to kick things off with this one. After posting an NYFBL-record-lowest score for the 2017 season, the Crush rebounded with 371 Pts against the lowest score of the week, 18’s 146. Many hoped 18 would break the record set by the Crush after going a combined (-22) for the first two days and (-5) on Thursday, but it wasn’t in the cards due to some disappointing displays of competence from 18’s players over the weekend.

Obtained from the Crush’s recent Wikileaks scandal

Does the Life-Sized Dwight, a trophy for losing by the largest margin in a season, get re-awarded to 18, who already had it for losing to the Wedding Rings 165-379? All I know is that it doesn’t make sense for 18 to have the Rainbow Socks trophy, awarded for the lowest score in a matchup, in their trophy case while the Crush also have it. Something’s fishy here. And why does the Week Note on our League Board say Week 9? I’d like to speak to the manager, please.

18 Highs

  • Wade Miley ([-9] = [-17] + 8) – We didn’t even have to wait a full day to know this matchup was going to be a precious gift from the heavens. Miley gave up 6 runs in 2.1 innings to the White Sox on Monday, all without striking out a single batter.
  • Zack Wheeler (-21) – If Monday was the surprisingly solid opener in a dingy comedy club, Tuesday was Louis C.K. coming out of the audience to do an hour of quality material. And he was drunk too.
  • Andrew Miller (-5) – He received his second consecutive loss on Wednesday, draining (-14) from 18 and turning them into a being known simply as 4. Sure, he ended the week with his first save of the season, and maybe this signals a shared scenario with Cody Allen, but none of that is funny.
  • Robert Gsellman (-13) – Acting like a true champion and starting Gsellman to guarantee they’d set an NYFBL low, 18 hit the lottery and received an 11-hit, 7-ER shellacking from their favorite team, the Nationals.
  • Zack Cozart (-1)

18 Lows

  • Xander Bogaerts (18) – Everything looked great. 18 were on pace to end the week around 130, easily the lowest score in a single matchup this season. But here comes Xander Bogaerts swinging his big bat around, hitting two home runs when he’d only had two all season long. The 15 Pts earned that night were much higher than the gross of 3 he’d accumulated the other 6 days.
  • Jimmy Nelson (33 = 0 + 33) – 1st start was all fine and dandy, with 9 hits and 4 earned runs in St. Louis. Might have even earned you a place in the Highs, Jimmy. But no, you had to make up for that with a complete game, 10-K shutout against the Padres. To the Lows you go!
  • Dan Straily (28) – Oh, just shut up, Dan Straily. Shut up!

CC Highs

  • Matt Carpenter (44) was a savage in Week 11, going for 4/8 in a doubleheader at the top of the week to signal that things were about to go down. He was a points machine regardless of hits by the end of the week, going for 0/3 and 0/1 in his last two games, yet still putting up 3 Pts and 4 Pts respectively.
  • Jacob deGrom (57 = 27 + 30) naturally followed up two abysmal performances with his two best performances in 2017. First came a complete game against the Cubs, which he then managed to outdo through 8 innings of shutout ball against the gosh-darn Nationals. Your NL Player of the Week.
  • Double Alex – Alex Wood (27) and Alex Meyer (29). One is breaking out like never before in 2017, while the other is… he’s on the Angels… he didn’t give up a run for the second time in 3 starts… he was dropped by the Crush to make room for Chapman… his favorite color is red…
  • Daniel Murphy (36)
  • Melky Cabrera (35) – Who needs pitching when you have The Melkman? The Melkman, and a 48-Pt pitching total from your opponent (Are the Brawlers definitely jinxing themselves for Week 12? Find out in 7 days).

CC Lows

  • Rich Hill (-14) – The 63rd overall pick continues to be a bit of a turd, with a BB/9 of nearly 6.
  • Johnny Cueto (-5)
  • Mike Leake (-7) – Wait, who won this matchup again?
  • Matt Albers (-12) – And they had the highest score of the week too? Well, I am one impressed person staring at a WordPress draft.

#2 – Humongous Melonheads (7-4) @ Web Gems (7-4)

Winner: Web Gems (332 to 227)

HM Top Scorer: Cody Bellinger (35)

WG Top Scorer: Fernando Rodney (36)

The Melonheads weren’t immune to the pitching bug either this week, mustering up 58 Pts against a still surging Web Gems. Their hitting was potent like usual, edging out the Web Gems in that department, but the Web Gems pitchers were firing on all cylinders. After a week alone at the top of the heap, the Melonheads now find themselves in a cramped elevator accompanied by the Gems, the Wedding Rings, McLovin’, and the Crush, who all rose to first place across NYFBL.

HM Highs

  • Alex Wood just wasn’t enough. The addition of Cody Bellinger (35) has made the Dodgers a very happy (and very good) team this year. Bellinger only struck out 6 times this week (that’s less for him) and hit 4 home runs, bringing his total to 19, one behind former Melonhead Eric Thames. The Dodgers may have Rookie of the Year in the bag two years in a row.
  • Dee Gordon (30) – If this were a category league, Melonheads would be leading stolen bases by lightyears. Lightyears are a measurement of distance.
  • Nolan Arenado (27) – While not the highest-scoring hitter on the Melonheads roster this week, Arenado did put up two double-digit outings, one of which was a 4/5 performance of the cycle that flashily (and bloodily) concluded with a walk-off home run.

HM Lows

  • Mark Melancon (-17) – The piece de resistance for the Melonheads pitchers in Week 11, Melancon at least contributed to their Highs by being the pitcher who Arenado hit his cycle-completing home run off of on Father’s Day.
  • Joe Ross (2 = [-3] + 5) – It’s hard to know what you’ll get out of this guy, who’s capable of baffling 12 Orioles batters and yet can barely hold it together against the Padres and Athletics. Ross wasn’t terrible against the Mets on Sunday, getting the L for Low mostly due to his Tuesday versus Atlanta, in which he surrendered 5 runs and struck out only two in over 5 innings.
  • Michael Pineda (-2) – The Melonheads drew Weird Pineda this week.

WG Highs

  • Fernando Rodney (36) – Yup, Fernando Rodney, who since getting his U.S. Citizenship in early May has been lights out in the closer role. He’s getting strikeouts, walks/hits/runs are nearly nonexistent, and he’s proud to be an American.
  • Jon Lester (28) – Lester regained ace form in New York, striking out 10 Mets over 7 innings.
  • Clayton Richard (21)
  • Logan Morrison (34) – Have we been talking about this man at all? He now has 21 home runs, which gives him the second-highest total in the entire MLB. He hit two on Father’s Day, and said “bon voyage” to four in Week 11.
  • Brian Dozier (25)

WG Lows

  • Marco Estrada (-16) – After handing out quality starts like candy for the early going, Estrada has had an awful June, getting knocked for 17 earned runs in three starts. Maybe he misses when the Blue Jays were terrible and there was no pressure to do anything.
  • Ervin Santana (-7)
  • Yasmani Grandal (1)

#3 – It’s Not a Bird It’s a Sale! (4-7) @ Brooklyn Brawlers (6-5)

Winner: Brooklyn Brawlers (325 to 308)

IBIS Top Scorer: Edwin Encarnacion (46)

BRA Top Scorer: Mookie Betts (41)

IBIS continues to have the worst luck in the league, because the worst kind of luck is the kind where Sunday has your team scoring 61 Pts (without any starts) and the other team encountering two pitching meltdowns in their five underwhelming starts… but somehow the ragtag team of Trevor Bauer and on-and-off starter Kenta Maeda still prevents you from winning.

IBIS Highs

  • Edwin Encarnacion (46) – It’s aliiiiiiveeeeee! Edwin’s batting average is now a respectable .261, but in NYFBL he’s already a god due to this legendary comeback consisting of three triple-digit-points days. June has been kind to EE and IBIS.
  • Trea Turner (28)
  • Ian Kennedy (22) – Life seemed like a black hole for Ian Kennedy, but the Angels have saved yet another soul by receiving a whooping.
  • Ivan Nova (18) had another strong performance after struggling for nearly all of May. His walk count was unusually high at 2, but he summoned the quality start and the win against the Cubs, and his 6 Ks were the most he’s had since 4/29.


  • Jeff Samardzija (-10) – Imagine if his (-10) at Coors cost IBIS the win. It was almost that close. No one else other than Volquez (-1) went negative for IBIS, however.
  • Stephen Piscotty (2) – Had Samardzija been sat and Piscotty started on Father’s Day (12), yes, IBIS would have won.
  • Stephen Strasburg (15 = 4 + 11)

BRA Highs

  • Mookie Betts (41) had a 17-Pt night in Philadelphia, going 4/5 with 2 home runs.
  • Trevors – Trevor Bauer (32 = 9 + 23) came through on a Sunday where anything was possible, going 7 against the Twins, whereas 20 Pts was a personal high for Trevor Story.
  • Joses – Jose Berrios (24) and Jose Quintana (20). The former continues a year of understanding the majors, while the latter refused to end up in the Lows for yet another week.

BRA Lows

  • Buck Farmer (-26 = [-10] + [-16]) in two starts drained the Brawlers of his exact Week 10 total before being banished to Triple-A.
  • JC Ramirez (-9) pulled the classic fake-out, dishing out 17 Pts on the bench against the rotating squad of wild animals known as the Yankees, plotting the whole time to use the repaired trust for a 5-run, 4-walk, 3-inning dud against the Royals.
  • Mitch “Mitchy” Haniger (20) returned, striking out 11 times after setting the first half of the week on fire.

#4 – Seventh Street Screwballs (4-7) @ Team McLovin’ (7-4)

Winner: Team McLovin’ (313 to 186)

SSS Top Scorer: Carlos Correa (22)

MCL Top Scorer: Jose Ramirez (46)

The McLovin’ hitters clearly took offense (get it?) to my comment a couple weeks back, as they’ve been on an absolute rampage lately. Eric Thames is back, Jose Ramirez is the Human Torch, and even Dexter Fowler is dropping 30+ like it’s nothing. It was all too much for a struggling Screwballs, who had an off week after a few solid ones (and possibly waved a white flag by not even starting Stroman?).

SSS Highs

  • Gary Sanchez (20) continues to be a dream-come-true in the form of a Catcher slot, making the most of his appearances. His middle of the week was rockstar status, as he went 3/3 and 3/4 for a combined 21 points in two days.
  • Masahiro Tanaka (20 = 22 + [-2]) – Tanaka actually delivered on a favorable matchup, cruising through 6.2 innings in Anaheim. The silver lining about his next start in Oakland is that it wasn’t a complete disaster, resulting in the oddest line of the week: 4 innings, 8 hits, 5 ER, 1 walk, and 10 Ks. Oh, Tanaka, you wacky man.
  • Patrick Corbin (19) – Happy to be back on an NYFBL team, Corbin did better than Robbie Ray against the Phillies, striking out 5 and walking none in a quality start.

SSS Lows

  • Tanner Roark (-10) – It wasn’t their bullpen, for once.
  • Tony Watson (1) – Still holding out for that promotion.
  • Wade Davis (really Cubs) (-1)

MCL Highs

  • Jose Ramirez (46) – Your AL Player of the Week must have found out that a baseball slept with his wife.
  • Eric Thames (32) – The cosmic deal that’s been struck between Thames and Conforto shed its grace on Thames this week, resulting in Conforto’s 4 Pts.
  • Dexter Fowler (34)
  • Corey Kluber (23) and Carlos Martinez (22) are going hamburgers. That means they’re on a roll.

MCL Lows

  • Josh Donaldson (0) – Had to look that one over two or three times.
  • Joe Biagini (-22) – Chalk this one up to Tough-Luck-Joe finally losing because of an actual bad start… He didn’t deserve this. No one does.
  • Michael Fulmer (5) had some Biagini-esque luck leading up to June, but so far this month he’s been messing things up on his own. I saw a picture of “Michael Fulmer’s Strikeouts” on a milk carton yesterday.
  • AJ Ramos (-4)

#5 – MLB MVP’s (4-7) @ Jeter’s Wedding Rings (7-4)

Winner: Jeter’s Wedding Rings (252 to 247)

MVP Top Scorer: Anthony Rizzo (33)

JWR Top Scorer: Bryce Harper (27)

The week’s best matchup, of the Non-Hilarious variety. In a post-matchup interview, it was revealed that Russell Martin, who had an 8-Pt Sunday and could have won it all for the MVP’s, was sat (ironically while the MVP’s manager was sitting on the toilet) in favor of Lucroy despite the favorable BVP. How was Lucroy on Sunday? He, uh, sat.

MVP Highs

  • Anthony Rizzo (33) – When describing Anthony Rizzo, we need a word worthy of his performance this season. Rizzo has handled his move to leadoff with aplomb. Much aplomb.
  • Max Scherzer (29) – Aplomb aplomb aplomb aplomb.
  • Ian Kinsler (20) is showing everyone else the only way to return from an injury…


MVP Lows

  • Jose Bautista (-2)
  • Rick Porcello ([-7] = 1 + [-8]) – Like an evil form of Tetris, Porcello is trying his hardest to push any starts with double-digit points out of the “most recent games” box in his player card.
  • Lance Lynn (8 = 19 + [-11]) – Guess which start mattered the most in the end?
  • Seung-Hwan Oh (-4)

JWR Highs

  • Bryce Harper (27) – The low Top Scorer honor shows just how hard the Wedding Rings had to work this week to narrowly overcome the MVP’s. Or maybe just how unfortunate the MVP’s have been. Maybe that one.
  • Aaron Judge (23)
  • Jacob Faria (26) – Anyone who knows the Brawlers knows how pumped we get seeing some young studs succeed. 7 innings, 1 ER, 1 BB, 9 Ks = TURN UP.
  • Archie Bradley (22) – For somehow getting two wins and a hold in 3 scoreless innings this week.

JWR Lows

  • James Paxton (-14) – He hasn’t looked the same lately. It’s possible he’s not fully recovered. The Mariners must have been sick of the DL. I know Mitchy was.
  • Greg Holland (6) – The Crush must have seen this coming.
  • Ariel Miranda (-15) – He needs some time alone.

#6 – Squirtle Sluggas (5-6) @ The Underrated Umpires (3-8)

Winner: Squirtle Sluggas (247 to 223)

SS Top Scorer: Jose Abreu (34)

UU Top Scorer: Kenley Jansen (32)

The fire sale didn’t work out as well in Week 11, as the Umpires fell to the Sluggas, some very strong pitching essentially negated by one unspeakable start. We’re going to speak about it though. It’s in the UU Lows.

The Sluggas weren’t as flashy as the Umpires in their various showings, but they were able to place the win under lock and key through avoiding any landmines in their starters.

SS Highs

  • Jose Abreu (34) – Who cares about home runs when you’re this productive?
  • Andrew McCutchen (29) – I’ve adjusted the hype level from “Maybe?” to “I think so, dude”.
  • Gio Gonzalez (22) – That 2.89 ERA is real, as Gio steamrolls along.
  • Carlos Carrasco (22)

SS Lows

  • Ricky Nolasco (-4) – Those shreds of hope that attracted suitors are now dust.
  • R.A. Dickey (-8) – It was the Nationals though, so that’s the Sluggas’ fault, getting all cocky.

UU Highs

  • Kenley Jansen (32) – He’s a freak. What more can you say?
  • Jose Urena (31 = 19 + 12) – It took a little while for the wire add to pay off, but Urena pitched two quality starts.
  • Tyler Chatwood (27 = 16 + 11) – Knowing he had a two-start week, Chatwood spread out his points economically.
  • George Springer (24) + Brandon Crawford (22)

UU Lows

  • Adam Wainwright (-25) – We’ll leave it at that. Good night, everyone.

See you in 7.

Sit down, be humble,



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