Howdy NYFBL,

We made it to Week 10, and it’s safe to say that things are still very competitive. No team is an easy matchup, teams with stellar records aren’t impervious to obstacles, and those right at the cusp of .500 are making moves of every kind on the waiver wire and trading block.

We’re at the point where seasons need to be salvaged at all costs. Souls aren’t off the table. Some may have sold them recently for a little Jose Berrios action. Maybe some struck a deal with the Devil from the very beginning (“Give all the Complete Games to Ervin…” “Make Jason Vargas a stud…” “I’ll do anything for Chase Anderson to be the Brewers’ best pitcher…”). But we’re not singling any one team out. That’s not how it goes down here at Highs and Lows.

As always, we pretend Monday hasn’t happened yet. So shut your faces.

#1 – Brooklyn Brawlers (5-5) @ Team McLovin’ (6-4)

Winner: Brooklyn Brawlers (361 to 290)

BRA Top Scorer: Robbie Ray (58)

MCL Top Scorer: Carlos Martinez (46)

In a generally high-scoring week all around, the Brawlers took the crown thanks to a big-time pitching total of 239. Let’s flash back to Week 2, in which the Brawlers had a pitching total of 41. Oh wow, what a difference, who could’ve brought about this change? Did Verlander and Quintana get it together? Nope. Let’s hear it for Robbie Ray (112th pick), Sean Manaea (88th pick), and Buck Farmer (scouted at P.S. 164).

McLovin’ put up another solid week after tearing up Week 9, bolstered by a new reliever and an old friend returning from injury.

BRA Highs

  • Robbie Ray (58 = 28 + 30) – Ray has achieved his final form, beating out Max Scherzer for the #1 slot in NYFBL points during Week 10 by one magical point.
  • Sean Manaea (36 = 19 + 17) – That’s five straight wins for Manaea. He faces Aaron Judge & The Yanks next, who may end that streak, but he also pitched 7 shutout innings against them not too long ago.
  • Buck Farmer (26) + Jeff Hoffman (24) – A porn-star-in-the-making and my long-lost cousin filled the gaping black hole in my heart created by E-Rod’s tumble.
  • Corey Knebel (28)
  • Kenta Maeda swooped in out of the Dodgers bullpen for a 4-inning, 17-Pt Save.

BRA Lows

  • Jose Quintana (11 = 12 + [-1]) – We’re going for a Lows record. Quintana has been one of the biggest disappointments of 2017 and done nothing to look attractive to other teams we might want to rescue him.
  • Trevor Story (-1) – Odds are this fella’s got more donuts and drainers (the hip term for “negative days”) in the books than positive outings.
  • JC Ramirez (3)

MCL Highs

  • Carlos Martinez (46 = 9 + 37) – Start #2 was a complete-game shutout in which Martinez gave up 4 hits while striking out 11 Phillies. Reading that he gave up just one walk to boot should conjure nothing but the first ten seconds of Fergie’s “London Bridge” in your head.
  • Felipe Rivero (30) – Now that Tony Watson has finally evaporated, Rivero has a lock on most of the Pirates’ save opportunities. He’s informed Clint Hurdle that he’ll only come out of the bullpen if it’s a 1.1-inning save, because anything less is baby stuff.
  • Luis Severino (28) – *Looks around, sees panel of judges nodding heads* OK, he’s legit.
  • Josh Donaldson (27) – “Good to have you back.” – McLovin’/Blue Jays/Baseball

MCL Lows

  • Michael Fulmer (-9) – The rollercoaster of feelings those Brawlers must have had seeing JC Ramirez give up 10 hits and 4 runs, only to then witness opposing starter Fulmer do just about the same.
  • Austin Hedges (-5)
  • Eric Thames (2)

#2 – Web Gems (6-4) @ The Underrated Umpires (3-7)

Winner: The Underrated Umpires (337 to 305)

WG Top Scorer: Chase Anderson (42)

UU Top Scorer: Mike Fiers (40)

Satanist jokes aside, the Web Gems have had a hell of a season. They narrowly lost to the Underrated Umpires, who look like a different team from weeks past after a liquidation of nearly all their assets. A possible epiphany that Mets players have the worst luck led to the departures of Thor, Matz, and Harvey, leaving Jay Bruce as the sole Metropolitan standing on the Umpires. Popular players like Odor and Trumbo were tossed to the wolves, and on an objective level, it paid off in Week 10.

WG Highs

  • Ervin Santana (32) – How do you silence your doubters after a (-15) outing against an awful team? You go 9 shutout innings against another awful team.
  • Chase Anderson (42 = 25 + 17) – Chase ended a 3-game scoreless streak by giving up only one run for the loss, AKA things are still looking pretty darn good.
  • Kyle Seager (28) – Your eyes don’t deceive you. It’s Kyle.
  • Domingo Santana (21)

WG Lows

  • Luis Perdomo (-12) is a volatile man, or at the very least should never be played against the Diamondbacks.
  • Jon Lester (1) and Marco Estrada (5) both stumbled in their opportunities to rebound after some sub-par performances.
  • Yasmani Grandal (1)

UU Highs

  • Mike Fiers (40 = 10 + 30) had lost his rotation spot only a few weeks back, and yet here he is making the most of a second chance in life Angels sent from above (geographically speaking).
  • Adam Wainwright pitched four gems and found himself eating a (-20). CC Sabathia, in the midst of recreating his early-season renaissance, looked to be asking for the same against the Red Sox. Despite the odds, he came out of the rumble with his longest outing in more than two years, an 8-inning scoreless, walk-less gem (29). That’s five wins in a row, and the Angels are next on the schedule.
  • Justin Smoak (27) is currently the seventh-best first baseman in NYFBL, and looks poised to overtake a few others in the coming weeks.

UU Lows

  • Mike Clevinger (-3) – Purchased for 21 dollars. Dropped after a poor performance at the palace of poor performances, Coors Field. Sent to Triple-A. Called up again for Week 11.
  • Derek Holland somehow survived the mass purge, though the Umpires fortunately missed out on his (-13) by sitting him.

#3 – Seventh Street Screwballs (4-6) @ It’s Not a Bird It’s a Sale! (4-6)

Winner: It’s Not a Bird It’s a Sale! (316 to 273)

SSS Top Scorer: Gary Sanchez (39)

IBIS Top Scorer: Jeff Samardzija (41)

Sometimes it seems like it’s not even worth paying attention to a matchup until the weekend hits, as the Screwballs looked to narrow the gap through a big Saturday for them and an uneventful Friday for IBIS. IBIS stuck to their guns and mirrored their stats from earlier in the week. It wasn’t pretty, but they got the job done, firmly deciding they would discontinue breaking the mirrors in their house and walking under random construction ladders on the way to work each morning.

SSS Highs

  • Yankees Hitters – Gary Sanchez (39), Starlin Castro (37), and Matt Holliday (30) combined for 106 Pts, more than half of the Screwballs hitting total and almost 40% of their entire week’s score.
  • Eric Hosmer (27) – Hosmer is already locked in as the first pick for the Screwballs in 2018.
  • Marcus Stroman (22)

SSS Lows

  • Carlos Correa (-1) had delivered his upside pizza only to climb through the Screwballs’ kitchen window and eat all of it while they were upstairs.
  • Tony Watson (-5, demotion at work)
  • Masahiro Tanaka (-3) – Giving Quintana some competition for biggest dud and Lows champion.

IBIS Highs

  • Jeff Samardzija (41 = 30 + 11) – The K-happy Brewers are like walking into an all-you-can-eat ice cream buffet for guys like the Shark.
  • Ivan Nova (38 = 12 + 26) – He ended the two-start week with his best performance in a while after a Smash Mouth beginning to the year.
  • Edinson Volquez (28) – IBIS has received their certification in the mail for “Mid-Tier Pitcher Whisperer”.
  • Addison Reed (27)
  • Edwin Encarnacion (22) – Let’s not buy our hype train tickets just yet, but this is a good sign.

IBIS Lows

  • Gregory Polanco (2)
  • Kelvin Herrera (-9)
  • Koda Glover (-1), for slipping in the shower and not telling anyone.

#4 – Colorado Crush (6-4) @ MLB MVP’s (4-6)

Winner: MLB MVP’s (314 to 140)

CC Top Scorer: Corey Seager (32)

MVP Top Scorer: Max Scherzer (57)

Weeks from posting the highest 2017 NYFBL total, the injury-plagued Crush wrapped up Week 10 with the league low, eclipsing 18 Wheeler’s 142 Pts in Week 6. The MVP’s were dominant right out the gate, summoning 95 Pts on a Day 2 in which the Crush finished with (-2).

CC Highs

  • Corey Seager (32) – The Trade-Master rides again.
  • Zack Godley (21) – Oh, Milwaukee.

CC Lows

  • Jacob deGrom (-18) – In a game that ended with 33 hits between both teams with deGrom as the starter, one would probably guess that the bullpen blew it or that the opposing pitcher gave up 30 hits. Guess again.
  • Mike Leake (-1) has finally hit a rough patch, bringing his ERA to an atrocious 2.70 and absolutely ballooning his WHIP to 1.04.
  • Josh Tomlin (-12)

MVP Highs

  • Eduardo Nunez (34) – He’s #5 in the MLB with 17 stolen bases, grabbing 4 of them in Week 10 while giving himself plenty of opportunities to do so.
  • Max Scherzer (57 = 35 + 22) – Nothing much to say, except 1. He hit his 2000th strikeout 2. A Strike Three that was called as a ball probably cost him the win in his second start 3. Scherz was probably more upset about the thought of the Nationals bullpen taking over than the bad call.
  • Alex Cobb (20) – The Cobb taketh 20 in Week 9, the Cobb giveth back 20 in Week 10.
  • Aaron Hicks (26)

MVP Lows

  • A timeline of Rick Porcello‘s last 6 starts, in NYFBL points: 8, 4, 7, 6, 6, 0. That’s 31 points and 56 hits.
  • Brad Peacock (-13) – The Angels probably messed up a lot of Vegas lines this week, beating the snot out of Peacock and Fulmer prior to letting Fiers walk all over them.
  • Junior Guerra (7 = 5 + 2)

#5 – Humongous Melonheads (7-3) @ 18 Wheeler with Large CarGo (5-5)

Winner: Humongous Melonheads (303 to 272)

HM Top Scorer: Joey Votto (38)

18 Top Scorer: Charlie Blackmon (35)

The Melonheads came to play this week. Their parade of hitters was supported by a pitching staff who steered clear of meltdowns and satisfied the week’s needs with some great performances. 18 wasn’t far behind in the pitching department, but the Melonheads had the slightly bigger army of bats in this one.

The Melonheads celebrated by blowing all of their money on cigarettes and booze. Sorry, I mean Matt Harvey.

HM Highs

  • Joey Votto (38) – Hot Take: Votto is the most underrated player in baseball. Or at least in the NYFBL.
  • Joe Ross (33) – After posting consecutive (-11)’s against the Padres and the Athletics, it only makes sense that Ross met up with the Orioles and handed them 7.1 innings, 1 run, no walks, and 12 strikeouts.
  • Michael Pineda (28) – Yankees pitchers not named Tanaka were mean, very mean, to the Red Sox.
  • Mike Foltynewicz (24)

HM Lows

  • Matt Bush (-4)
  • Billy Hamilton (-2) – Hard to process, but apparently the wear-and-tear of baseball got to him this week. Either that or he ripped apart his molecules going around the bases so fast.
  • Mark Melancon (1)
  • John Lackey (2)

18 Highs

  • Charlie Blackmon (35)- “NL MVP.”
  • Kris Bryant (26) – “I disagree.”
  • Robert Gsellman (24) – “I’m losing my spot? The New York Post told me everyone was in rehab and you’re saying we have two guys coming back? Fine, fine, I’ll pitch well, jeez.”
  • Andrew Miller (17) – *As a bunch of Nazis gaze into his brilliant 0.27 ERA* “Shut your eyes! Don’t look at it! Keep your eyes shut!”

18 Lows

  • Ty Blach (-2) – “The Highs and Lows said Milwaukee would be easy.”
  • Brandon Maurer (-7) – “Pick me up, pick me up, pick me up! … Oh, nice place you got here. Can I take a dump on your couch? Sick.”
  • Wade Miley (-6) – “Listen, 18. Thanks for having faith. It’s just… We can’t do this anymore, man. I’m Wade Miley.”

#6 – Jeter’s Wedding Rings (6-4) @ Squirtle Sluggas (4-6)

Winner: Squirtle Sluggas (274 to 269)

JWR Top Scorer: Aaron Judge (40)

SS Top Scorer: Gio Gonzalez (41)

Save the closest for last, I always say. The Wedding Rings and the Sluggas were almost Bizarro inverses of each other, with JWR posting a 174-95 hitting-pitching spread and the Sluggas throwing up 93-181. A noisy Saturday (80) from the Sluggas peacefully resolved into a lazy Sunday (0). The inaction was almost enough for the Wedding Rings to make the comeback, but that bum Aaron Judge couldn’t hit just one more home run.

JWR Highs

  • Aaron Judge (40) – Bum. What a bum. 14 Pts? 19 Pts? So what. Bum.
  • Paul Goldschmidt (30) – This guy’s nothing special either.
  • Buster Posey (28)
  • Catch Jordan Montgomery cruising through the AL East in his ’24 (Points).

JWR Lows

  • Following a dominant first post-DL start, James Paxton (-2 = 6 + [-8]) was a little shaky in Week 10, resulting (impressively) in his first loss of the year.
  • Tyler Glasnow (-13) – *Lil Boosie voice* Send me down.
  • Gerrit Cole (-11) – Good teams, good Gerrit. Bad teams, bad Gerrit. Let’s get this man to Chase and Coors ASAP.
  • A slow week for J.D. Martinez (4). He’ll be back with a vengeance.

SS Highs

  • Mark Reynolds (34)
  • Steven Matz (20) – The Ks were low, but this was a huge, temporary sigh of relief for Mets and Sluggas alike.
  • Kyle Freeland (21) handles his home starts pretty well.
  • Andrew McCutchen (18)

SS Lows

  • Manny Machado (-5) – Hot potato, hot potato.
  • Kevin Gausman (-16 = 8 + [-24]) – Gausman generated possibly the ugliest line of the season against the Yankees on Sunday, giving up 8 hits, 7 earned runs, and 6 walks with 0 strikeouts.
  • Troy Tulowitzki (0)

That’s Week 10. Time is flying, and so are the Umpires’ players. See you all next week for more fun.

Money, Health, Love,

Brawlers

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