Don’t you guys hate when you take a look at the scoreboard, see a bunch of low-scoring yellow numbers, take a look at your measly un-highlighted losing matchup total, and realize you would have beaten almost everyone else in the league? After getting pounded by Frankie’s 386 point Berrios-fest two weeks ago, and watching Stephen Strasburg fill me with 15 strikeouts worth of non consensual intimacy, I wanted to rage quit and trade all my best players to Jeff for Eric Thames and Kyle Schwarber. But then I started thinking – I lost to Eric…the guy who’s had arguably the worst stretch of fantasy luck ever experienced over the past few seasons of both baseball and football…plus, Eric Thames only has 36 points over the past 30 games…Schwarber’s sucking even harder with 27…nobody wants that.
So that brings us here, to a post I’m writing in honor of the only man who can rival Golembo for the most disgracefully bad fantasy team names. The one, the only, Eric. Take a look at some quick highlights from his most recent 3 fantasy seasons (baseball, football, baseball):
Eric’s 2016 Fantasy Baseball Season
Points for: 5608 (3rd most in the league)
Points against: 5659 (Most in the league)
Weeks he faced the leading scorer: 3
Weeks he scored above the median and lost: 3
Overall placement: 3rd/12th
Eric’s 2016 Fantasy Football Season
Points for: 1398.7 (Most in the league)
Points against: 1392.3 (Most in the league)
Matchups he lost by a margin within 10 points: 6
Matchups he lost by a margin within 3.3 points: 3
Overall placement: 13th/14th
Eric’s Current 2017 Fantasy Baseball Season
Points for: 2286 (3rd most in the league)
Points against: 2401 (Most in the league)
Weeks he scored above the median and lost so far: 2
Weeks he scored greater than or equal to the median and lost so far: 4
Current record: 3-5
This stretch of bad luck has been so bad that some might wonder what keeps Eric’s heart in it year after year. But if we look into some of Eric’s seasons, we quickly realize that this recent stretch of bad luck is offset by all of the career years and bouncebacks that players on his teams have had. So before you go feeling bad for the man we all know and love, realize that he simply wasted all of his karma points on Matt Ryan and Rick Porcello.
Notable Years for Eric’s Baseball Players:
Rick Porcello (2016) – Won the AL Cy Young Award, finished with 563 points, averaged 17.1 a game, and was the 5th best starting pitcher on the year. His 3.15 ERA, 1.01 WHIP, and 22-4 record can be contrasted against his 4.92 ERA and 1.36 WHIP from 2015, where he went 9-15.
AJ Burnett (2015) – His 3.18 ERA and 1.36 WHIP were rebounds from a horrendous 2014 season with the Phillies, where he had a 4.59 ERA and 1.41 WHIP. After being unrosterable, Burnett averaged 12 points a game over his 26 starts for Eric, and scored 311 points.
In Eric’s 2014 season, pickup Derek Holland averaged 17 points over his 5 starts, pickup Mike Fiers averaged 15.2 over his 10 starts, and Dee Gordon emerged from being a terrible fantasy player to stealing a career-high 64 bases.
In Eric’s 2013 season, Chris Tillman scored 459 points and Kris Medlen scored 421 points. Chris Davis hit 53 home runs to offset his 199 strikeouts and actually score 488 points (3.1 per game). Sidenote – Eric also had Christian Yellich, Chris Perez, and Chris Sale, totaling 6 Kr/Chris’s on his team.
In Eric’s 2012 season, Ryan Dempster scored 386 points (averaging 13.8) and rebounded from a previous year where his ERA and WHIP were 4.80 and 1.45, respectively.
Notable Years for Eric’s Football Players:
Matt Ryan (2016) – Finished the year with 347.5 points and was the 2nd best QB. This is after Ryan finished the previous year as the 19th best QB. Ryan’s 38 touchdowns, 4,944 passing yards, and 7 interceptions were easily the best numbers of his career.
Cam Newton (2015) – Finished as the #1 overall quarterback. He threw for 3,837 yards and 35 touchdowns, only throwing 10 interceptions. He also rushed for 636 yards and 10 touchdowns.
Allen Robinson (2015) – The year the Jaguars finally had a decent fantasy option. He finished as the 4th best wide receiver, netting 1,400 yards and 14 touchdowns. In his other two years (2014 and 2016), Robinson combined for 1,431 yards and 8 touchdowns, which means that the one year Eric had him was better than his other two seasons combined.
Josh Gordon (2013) – Finished as the #1 overall wide receiver, had 1,646 yards, 9 touchdowns, and wasn’t suspended for smoking weed. Again, in Gordon’s only other two years where he actually played and wasn’t faded in the corner covered in dorito dust, he combined for 1,108 yards and 5 touchdowns. Maybe Eric should be his new drug counselor.
Is Eric the unluckiest fantasy member ever? Is he the luckiest? Somehow, in recent years, he’s managed to be both. Whether you venture down the same path as him and sell your soul to Rick Porcello’s mother is up for you to decide.
Until next time, I wish you all the best of luck in your fantasy seasons, unless you’re playing me, in which case I hope all of your players go negative.
-The MLB MVP’s